We all have them, bad relationships. They can be toxic, drama-filled, and just downright awful. But even though they’re not fun to go through, we can learn a lot from them. Here are ten lessons I’ve learned from past relationships.
I deserve better.
Often, in these relationships, we convince ourselves that we’re not worth more than what we’ve got. Believe me when I say that you 100% deserve so much better than whatever it is you’re going through right now. If someone doesn’t treat you with respect and love, they don’t deserve to be in your life.
It’s time for us to start believing that we are worth so much better than the crap we’ve been through.
Healing is important, but it doesn’t mean you have to jump back into a relationship ASAP. It’s essential to take time for yourself whenever you’re going through something hard, whether it’s a breakup or even just some tough times with a friend. You need that space and time away from anyone or anything that may be causing you pain so that you can heal.
Enough is enough.
I’ve learned that no matter how hard I try to be understanding and patient with someone, there will come a point when I have to say enough is enough. The problem with staying in these relationships is that eventually, you start hating the other person, but the only way to move on is to leave ultimately.
It’s okay to feel hurt or angry after a breakup, but the sooner you’re able to let go of those negative emotions, the better off you’ll be. I know it’s hard, but you don’t have to forgive your ex for what they did. It takes a while to heal from a breakup, and for some people, that means forgiving the other person too.
However, it’s okay not to do so. If someone hurts you, it doesn’t mean you have to be friends or even talk again.
Learn from other people’s mistakes.
When we see people around us going through similar things that we are, it’s easy to see their mistakes and think, “Woah! I’m not gonna make that mistake”. Sometimes, the mistakes we make are our own, and they don’t appear to be coming from the same place as others. You can learn a lot from other people’s mistakes, though, especially when it comes to relationships.
For example, a friend who recently got out of a long-term relationship with a cheater was talking to me about how happy she is now that she’s out of that relationship. She told me stories about all the times she caught him in lies but ignored them because she didn’t want to ruin the relationship. What she told me was eye-opening for me because I have been ignoring many warning signs from my past relationship.
That’s the cool thing about friendships, we can help each other grow and learn from our mistakes, but we have to be willing to do that for it to work.
It’s okay to let go.
I know this sounds cliché, but it’s so true. It takes time to heal from a breakup or loss of any kind. The thought of letting go can be scary because it feels like you’re giving up on everything, but that’s not true at all. You’re just making room for new, better opportunities.
I struggled with this concept in my last relationship because I felt like I couldn’t function properly unless I had him by my side. When we broke up, it took me a while to get used to being alone again but eventually, I did, and I found out that I could manage quite well on my own.
Life is too short for crappy relationships.
I know what you’re probably thinking: “But what if I never find anyone else?”.
I won’t tell you that it will be easy because it won’t. It’ll be hard, and it’ll suck sometimes, but you’re strong enough to get through it. I can tell you that you’re worth so much better than the relationships where you have to question your sanity every single day.
It’s easy to think about going back to someone after a breakup, but really, is that person better than being alone? And for God’s sake, don’t go running back to your ex just because you’re bored. It’s better to be single than miserable. Life is too short for crappy relationships.
Being alone isn’t so bad once you realize that you can do whatever you want, whenever you want, and with whomever you want. You can spend your time doing things that make you happy.
You have to go through the grieving process to get over a breakup. You can’t just tell yourself it will be okay and expect everything to be perfect the next day. You need to grieve about what you lost, even if it’s just a relationship.
Grieve about the future that you thought was going to happen. Grieve about the memories, good and bad. Grieve about everything that you lost in this breakup.
It’s okay to let it hurt for a while. It’s okay to cry about it because that’s what you need to do. Go through all the stages of grief, and eventually, you’ll be able to accept what happened and move on from it.
I wasted a lot of time trying to get over him, but after a while, I realized that it wasn’t getting me anywhere. So I let myself grieve, and I allowed myself to move on. It still hurts sometimes, but it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.
Don’t put yourself down.
I’ve been beating myself up for a long time because of what happened with my ex. I said many things that I didn’t mean to him, things that I knew he didn’t deserve to hear.
It’s easy to blame yourself for everything that went wrong, but you must understand that it isn’t your fault. The things you said when you were angry aren’t the real you, but in your ex’s mind, they are.
You have to be able to forgive yourself, or else you’ll find yourself in the same situation over and over again.
It’s so easy to point out all the things you did wrong in your relationship, but trust me, there are many things that you did right too. Don’t sell yourself short by telling yourself that you’re a terrible person who doesn’t deserve anyone else.
You will find someone who deserves you and loves you for everything that you are. You might even end up finding a better version of your last ex.
You must learn to love yourself again.
This is key in getting over a breakup or any kind of loss. If you don’t learn to love yourself again, you’ll never be able to move on properly. You have to think about what you like about yourself or all the things you wish your ex would’ve done for you. You have to learn to love yourself again and appreciate who you are as a person.
Forget about what they did wrong and think about what they did right. Are you better off without them? Think about the good things they brought into your life and how you will be able to fill that void.
You must accept responsibility for your part in the breakup.
I know it’s easy to blame everything on them and say that they were the ones who did wrong, but you have to take responsibility for your part in it too. Don’t blame everything on them or yourself. You need to consider that both of you played a part in it, and you have to think about what YOU can do differently next time.
It’s not always going to be this way, so you have to try and think about how you can turn it around next time.
You must learn from this experience. This is the most important part, aside from moving on and accepting responsibility for your role in it. You have to learn from this experience. You have to think about what you did wrong and how you can change it next time.
You’re going to make mistakes, but try not to make the same ones. Figure out what you can do better next time and learn from your mistakes. Don’t blame everything on your ex. It takes two to make a relationship work, and it’s not like you’re going to find a perfect partner who does everything right; just don’t fall into the same traps again.
You will be okay.
This seems like such a simple thing, but it’s also the hardest to believe. When you’re going through a tough time, it’s so easy to think that you’ll never be okay again and that life will always suck. I can tell you, though, that life doesn’t always suck, and you will be okay one day.
Embrace the new opportunities that come your way and learn to love yourself again, even if it takes a while. You’ll get there; just hold on.
I know that sometimes, you feel like there will never be anyone else who can understand you the way they do. I know that it hurts to know they’re out there living a happy life with someone else. I know that you just want them back in your life, even if it’s just as a friend. I know that you feel like the world is going to end because of this breakup, but it’s not. It will get better, and you’re going to get through it.
I’ve been there, and I’m living proof that things will get better someday. So please, don’t give up!
There’s no magic bullet for getting over a breakup, especially if you lost someone who meant everything to you. But if you hold onto the good memories, learn from your mistakes and change your life to make it better next time, there’s no reason why you can’t get over this experience. It’s not always going to be this way, and you’re going to get through it. And someday, you’ll find someone who treats you like the princess/prince you are.
You’ll be amazed at how much better your life will turn out if you just believe in yourself and keep trying.
Please, don’t give up, and don’t let this experience make you bitter. Comment and Like!
I’m Neha. I am a writer and blogger who has been blogging about her life for the past 6 years.