10 Things Not to Say on a First Date

Reviewed & edited by Marcella Raskin. This blog is supported by its readers. If you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.

It can be tricky to know what to say on a first date. You want to make a good impression, but you also don’t want to say anything that will scare your date away. Here are 10 things you should avoid saying on a first date.

“I’m pretty much married to my career.”

avoid on first date

This is not the time to start talking about your demanding job or any of the sacrifices that you have made for it. Save that kind of talk for later. Your date doesn’t want to hear about your commitment issues on a first date.

If you want to go out with someone, make sure you’re not already committed elsewhere. Saying something like this may scare your date away.

Don’t get ahead of yourself. It’s one thing if your career is important to you, but it’s another thing entirely to say that it’s more important than your love life.

You never know if your date is on the hunt for someone to settle down with. While you’re at it, don’t start listing off all the reasons why you’re completely incompatible with anyone, including your date.

What to say instead:

“I’m in a pretty good place career-wise right now,” or “Even though I’ve been working a lot, I try to make time for my personal life.”

“You remind me of my ex.”

This is not the time to start talking about your ex. If you do, you’ll probably scare your date away.

No one wants to be compared to an ex, and no one wants to hear all the reasons why they remind you of an ex either. It’s best to leave off any comparison and keep it light and vague for now.

You may not know your date very well yet, but if something feels wrong or uncomfortable, don’t ignore it just because you think you’re supposed to put up with anything on a first date. If this is how things are already starting, don’t expect everything will get better as the night goes on.

What to say instead:

“I’ve been on a couple of dates lately, but it hasn’t been going so well. How about you?”

“I’m not sure I believe in love” or “I’m not looking for love right now.”

Don’t put your date on the spot by trying to get them to answer questions about love or commitment. You two are just getting to know each other, so keep it light for now.

You don’t have to be all serious and heavy on a first date; this is not the time or place for that kind of talk. Save any feelings of doubt or confusion for later.

If this is really how you feel, don’t tell your date now and expect them to stick around for much longer.

First of all, you shouldn’t be saying this on a first date anyway. It doesn’t matter if you want to play it cool or think you’re ready to take the relationship in any direction.

Saying anything like this will probably scare your date away. No one wants to go on a date with someone who has no interest in romance, and no one wants to get involved with someone who doesn’t believe in love.

What to say instead:

“I don’t think I’ve ever really fallen in love. What about you?”

“If I don’t get married by the time I’m 35, I’m just going to give up on love.”

give up 1

Don’t put pressure on your date by talking about marriage. This is way too big of a commitment for a first date.

Don’t even joke about it because you don’t want to scare your date off with any talk of marriage. This is not the time to start talking about your plans.

Maybe you’re ready to settle down, but if this isn’t really what your date wants, then they may decide to end things with you before it gets too serious.

What to say instead:

“I haven’t been dating that much lately.” or “It’s hard to find someone who wants the same things I do.”

“I don’t care what you think of me.”

Don’t pretend like you couldn’t care less even if you did, in fact, care a lot. No one likes people who are fake or pretentious. You may think it comes off as confident, but most likely, your date will see right through you.

First of all, this is a weird thing to say on a first date anyway. Even if you genuinely don’t care what people think of you, it’s best not to get into that on the first date. Keep things light and fun for now.

Many people are turned off by people who are too self-assured or sure of themselves. If they’re interested in getting to know you better, they’ll want to hear all about how great you are without your bragging or boasting about yourself.

What to say instead:

Nothing. You shouldn’t be saying anything like this on a first date anyway, so leave it out entirely and keep things light and casual for now.

“I usually don’t have time for things like this.”

Don’t say that you’re busy and don’t have time for dates because your date may decide not to waste time on you.

Don’t make plans for the future, and don’t tell them how busy you are unless they ask, which is highly unlikely on a first date.

Everyone is busy these days, but don’t share that information with them unless your date asks you about it. Keep things light and casual for now.

Don’t complain about how busy you are or tell them about everything you have going on this week. No one wants to go out with someone who’s too busy to make time for them anyway.

What to say instead:

“I’m really glad I made time for this.” or “How did you find the time to set up a date?”

“I’m just looking to have some fun tonight.”

Don’t say this if you want more out of this relationship. You don’t want your date to think that you’re just in this for a casual encounter.

fun

Don’t say anything like this on your first date. If you want something more, then let your date know after they’ve gotten to know you better and have had the chance to see if they feel the same way.

No one wants to get involved with someone who doesn’t care about having a serious relationship. Keep things light and casual for now, so your date will want to spend time with you again.

They may decide not to go out on another date with you because they don’t think there’s much of a future with someone who only wants to have fun, even if it is just for one night.

Don’t say this because even though it may seem like everything is just fine, your date may get the impression that you don’t put relationships or dating too seriously, which will make them wonder how committed you are to the relationship.

Dating shouldn’t be about having free fun with someone without getting too involved, so don’t say anything like this on your first date because it makes people think that maybe they shouldn’t get attached or invest their time in getting to know you better.

What to say instead:

“I’m pretty open to whatever happens.”

“How many kids do you want to have?” 

First of all, this is a pretty intense question to ask on a first date. Secondly, there’s no way you can be sure that you’ll even want kids or that you and your date will agree about how many they want – which could lead to arguments down the line – so keep it light for now.

Everyone has different opinions about something as personal as how many children they’d like to have someday, so try not to make a big deal out of it if you disagree with each other. Instead, wait until later after you’ve had the chance to get to know each other better.

People don’t usually talk about their plans on a first date because getting too serious makes them feel like they’re not ready for a relationship.

What to say instead:

“Kids aren’t really a priority for me right now – but I do want them someday.”

“How much money do you make?” 

Just as a general rule, don’t ask a person how much money they make or expect to make during your first date.

This is a personal question that’s too serious to ask someone you barely know, and it makes people feel uncomfortable to talk about their finances with someone else.

Don’t bring up financial status because even if one of you has more money than the other, it will cause problems down the line. Keep things light and casual for now so your date doesn’t have any expectations.

It’s best not to rush into anything serious on a first date – especially when it comes to something as touchy as talking about money – so keep things simple until you’ve had a chance to get to know each other better.

This is a pretty personal question, and asking for someone’s salary isn’t usually something that happens on a first date. People don’t talk about money until they get to know each other better and feel comfortable enough to discuss it.

What to say instead: 

Don’t talk about money on a first date.

“I’m bored.” 

It’s never good to talk about you feeling bored or that you’re not having a good time on your first date.

Your date will be extra disappointed they didn’t make a good impression if they say something like this, and then they’ll most likely want to know why you’re not enjoying yourself.

bored

Since you don’t know your date well enough to say how much fun they are, it’s best to keep things light until you get comfortable with each other. It will give them a better chance of impressing you and ensuring they know what to do to keep you entertained.

Don’t say something like this because it makes your date feel like they’re doing something wrong, and then they might want to know why you’re having such a bad time or if anything is wrong. It could seem like you’re criticizing them.

It’s not good to put your date under so much pressure about impressing you and entertaining you when you feel bored because it could make them feel bad about themselves. It’s best to wait until you know each other better before bringing up serious topics like this.

What to say instead: 

“Talk to me about something interesting!”

Conclusion

It’s always best to keep things light and casual on a first date because this will give your date the chance to impress you. We recommend waiting until after you’ve had the opportunity to get to know each other better before talking about anything too serious like money or family plans.

Did you learn something new about this? Were you already aware of what to do or not do on a first date?

Share your thoughts in the comments section below, and don’t forget to share this article with your friends if you liked it!

Author

  • Joanna Perez is a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practitioner, a passionate blogger, writer, traveler, wife, and mother of one boy. Joanna loves to share her thoughts on parenting, health, wellness, and lifestyle. She is a Certified Women Empowerment Life Coach and has done courses on Life Mastery, Happiness, Health, and Success. She also has studied Neuroscience for Parents and took the Skilled Helper Training Course. She believes in helping people become the best version of themselves and strives to provide quality informative and inspiring content. She loves animals, especially her two cats, and can often be found taking photos of them as they pose for the camera.

Leave a Comment