Marriage is one of the most important things in life. But it can be challenging to keep your marriage or relationship healthy and alive without some help.
Many habits can lead to a damaged marriage, but there are also many solutions to these problems.
I will share 10 habits that can damage your marriage or relationship, along with what you should do about them!
Some of these are things you may have heard before, but others are less obvious. We hope this will be a helpful resource for anyone who wants to maintain healthy relationships with their spouse or partner.
Habit 1: Bringing work home.
This is a common mistake that can cause many problems in a marriage. Bringing work home with you can lead to a lot of stress. It can also be a distraction from your relationship. If you can’t get it done at work, try to keep your work separate from your personal life.
When you bring your work home with you, it can be a huge source of stress. It’ll cause you to worry about your job when you should be focused on something else. It’s also a problem when you arrive home and continue thinking about work or things that happened at the office.
Try doing something relaxing when you arrive home. It can be helpful to focus on your spouse or partner rather than work or your other responsibilities. This way, you’ll be more present in the relationship and less stressed about things that happened at work. It can also feel nice to switch gears by spending some time having fun with your significant other instead of thinking about the office!
Habit 2: Spending too much time together or not enough time together.
Both of these situations can cause problems in a marriage if they become routine over a long period. If you spend too much time together, it’ll lead to monotony and boredom. But if you don’t spend enough time with each other, your relationship will suffer due to neglect and lack of attention or affection.
You probably know how easy it is to fall into a routine with your significant other. It could be seen as positive when it’s the weekend, and you spend time together, but there can also be negative consequences of spending too much time together all the time.
When a couple spends too little time together, they may not spend enough quality time with each other. Over an extended period, this can lead to resentment in the relationship.
It’s crucial to spend enough time together, but it’s also a good idea to have some time apart from each other from time to time. This will allow you to have your interests and hobbies. When you have things that are just for you, you’ll feel more fulfilled as a person, which can lead to a better marriage or relationship.
Habit 3: Being overly critical.
Being critical is one of the most common habits that can damage your relationship. Criticism is never helpful and can make things worse. It can lead to tension and disagreement within the relationship.
A lot of people criticize their spouse or partner because they want to improve them in some way. When you feel like there’s something that’s not quite right, it can be difficult not to say anything. You want what’s best for your significant other, but this method won’t always work out well long term.
Criticizing someone too often will cause them to lose respect for you. They’ll start questioning your judgment and if your opinion means anything at all. If you genuinely want things to get better between two people, criticism isn’t the answer!
Instead of criticizing everything about your spouse or partner, find ways to compliment instead. Compliments are a positive and uplifting way to communicate. Practicing this habit can lead to a happier and healthier relationship!
If you have to tell your spouse or partner something negative, first try to avoid using the word “never” when giving feedback. Try phrasing your thoughts more positively and find a time when you’ve both had a chance to relax. It can be difficult to listen to criticism at the moment when you’re stressed out or tired. So always remember that it’s better to wait until both of you feel good before discussing complex topics!
But again, don’t feel like you always need to bring up problems and criticisms. It can be helpful to find something positive about your relationship. Try doing this at least once a day for two weeks and see what happens!
Habit 4: Assuming you know how your spouse or significant other feels without actually asking them.
It’s common for people to make assumptions about how their partner is feeling or thinking, but this might cause more harm than good. When it comes to feelings, it’s always better to ask questions instead of assuming you already know the answer.
For instance, if you ask your partner, “How was work today?” They could say that they had a rough day and need some space from their job right now. But if you assume that it must be good because they’re home right now, you might get upset when they don’t want to talk about their job.
If your partner needs a few minutes to unwind before talking about work, give them a little space and time. Don’t ask any questions until they’ve had some time to relax!
Assuming that you know what’s going through your partner’s mind can be a dangerous habit. Sometimes, the answers to your questions might surprise you! And if you’re wrong about how they feel, it can cause more problems than necessary.
The best way to avoid making assumptions is by talking things out! Talk about how you both feel and try to understand each other. Don’t hold back when it comes to feelings because the only way for two people to communicate is by being honest with one another!
If something surprised you, talk it out, and don’t worry about getting everything right every time. The important thing is just expressing yourself and finding ways to improve communication between two people. Being able to talk honestly about your feelings with one another is a big part of being in love!
Avoid making assumptions when you have important things or conversations with your spouse or partner. If it’s something personal, consider asking them directly instead of assuming anything. This will help you avoid unnecessary arguments and ensure that your significant other feels respected.
Habit 5: Feeling like you have to hide things from your partner because they would get upset otherwise.
Sometimes, people keep secrets from their spouse or significant other because they know it will make them upset. They don’t want their relationship to end on bad terms, so they’re afraid to bring up the subject at all.
It’s never healthy for someone to be dishonest about how they feel. If this happens often enough, it can eventually lead to resentment and friction between two people!
Keeping secrets means that you’re not practicing open communication, which is an integral part of any relationship! It’s hard for couples to understand each other when there are things that are being left unsaid.
Be honest with your partner about how you’re feeling! Your relationship should have a tough conversation now than never speak up at all.
If something happened that upset you or made you feel sad, tell them why instead of keeping quiet out of fear. The more they know about what went wrong, the easier it will be to address the problem and fix things between you!
Even if there isn’t anything wrong, try talking about your thoughts and feelings every day. This can be scary at first since no one wants to hear bad news, but both people in a relationship must communicate their needs and concerns freely without inhibition or guilt.
Habit 6: Being passive-aggressive rather than honest and direct.
When you’re upset about something, it can be challenging to express your feelings without being overly critical. Sometimes, people are afraid that they might offend their partner or spouse by directly saying what’s on their minds.
Instead of expressing your feelings honestly and directly, some people might become passive-aggressive. If this happens often enough, it could lead to serious communication problems! People who use this method will make excuses instead of speaking their minds like adults– which is why this habit is hard to break!
Some examples of passive-aggressive behavior are:
- Mimicking or acting childish when you’re upset about something.
- Making snide comments and personal remarks instead of bringing up a problem directly.
- Using sarcasm and abuse as a way to ‘joke’ about an issue (even though there’s nothing funny about it).
- Doing things like sulking, giving the silent treatment, using groaning and sighing as a form of communication—all of which can be exhausting for the other person.
Be honest and direct with your feelings– even if you’re afraid that they might be upset. Sometimes, it can be beneficial to say what you’re thinking out loud, so both people in a relationship know precisely where the other person is coming from!
As much as possible, avoid sarcasm and jokes when discussing something serious or sensitive. This will help other people know that you’re being serious about this problem rather than making light of it or brushing it off.
Don’t blame them for things that aren’t their fault, and make sure not to overreact when they disagree with you about specific topics. Being honest and direct is vital within a relationship since it prevents misunderstandings from happening too often.
Habit 7: Holding a grudge.
Holding a grudge can damage your relationship. If you hold a grudge against someone who did something wrong, you will likely hold a grudge against your partner. It’s normal to be upset with your partner from time to time, but you shouldn’t carry a grudge against them!
If you want to avoid this habit, it’s important not to keep score and remember that the relationship is more important than any mistake they may have made.
Some examples of grudges are:
- Not talking to each other for days or weeks after an argument, no matter how many attempts it takes to resolve the situation.
- Letting something that was said during a fight end up ruining the relationship.
- Not forgiving someone who hurt you in some way simply because they don’t deserve your forgiveness (which is damaging to self-esteem).
After a fight or disagreement, both parties must resolve the issues brought up to move on. This can be done by simply communicating with each other and explaining the exact reasons why you’re upset.
Make sure not to let one conversation or argument ruin your relationship; make it a point to forgive someone who was genuinely sorry for hurting you (even if they don’t deserve your forgiveness). Resist the urge to hold grudges against your partner and use this time in between arguments to strengthen and improve the bond you share!
If your partner or spouse did something wrong, tell them what you don’t like about their behavior instead of holding onto resentment and hoping they’ll change on their own!
Acknowledge their wrongdoing and let them know how it made you feel. Then both people can talk through this problem together, so there’s less tension between the two of you. Let go of any mistakes or hurts that have happened in the past. You can’t change the past, but you can change the future.
Habit 8: Being too argumentative.
Arguing with your partner can be frustrating. When you argue with them about something that could have been quickly resolved, it worsens the problem, and both people end up being upset.
When you are too argumentative, you are overly sensitive to criticism. You get angry over things that other people don’t even get mad about- just because they saw it differently than you did.
First off, ask yourself if you’re too argumentative. It’s important to understand your partner’s point of view before arguing with them, so try seeing where they’re coming from first before making an argument out of it!
While this habit may seem very frustrating for the person you’re arguing with (and maybe even yourself), remember that there is always another way to look at a situation and try not to let your emotions get in the way when it comes down to communicating your feelings!
Remember not to overreact! Take a step back if necessary to prevent an argument from escalating too much. Don’t forget that the relationship is more important than any one issue between the two of you!
If you feel like your partner isn’t listening to what you’re saying, try repeating yourself in different ways instead of getting even angrier about it.
When arguing with someone, there are a couple of things to remember:
- If you’re the one who’s upset, tell your partner what they did wrong instead of expecting them to figure out what’s upsetting you.
- Don’t withhold any information from your spouse or partner; make sure to give them all the facts before concluding anything.
- Make sure not to ask rhetorical questions (ones that don’t require an answer). This is when you ask a question, but only because it’s meant to show how certain you’re about something and not because you want them to respond.
- Don’t accuse your spouse of things they haven’t done or say hurtful words just because you’re upset.
- Be open-minded and don’t reject their ideas right away without considering that they may have a valid point.
Habit 9: Saying “yes” when you really mean “no.”
Saying yes even though you don’t want to is a sign of poor self-esteem, and it won’t help your relationship in the long run.
Sometimes, we feel so guilty saying no that we end up agreeing with our partner when we’re not ready or willing to follow through with their request or demand! This habit can lead to another where people resent each other for feeling like they’re required to agree with everything and put off their wants and needs (which isn’t healthy for any relationship).
Be upfront when you disagree with something! It’s better for both of you if your partner knows that there was a reason why you disagreed with them instead of feeling like they did something wrong!
If you feel guilty about saying no, tell yourself that it’s okay to have boundaries and take care of yourself. It’s not selfish to want some time alone or do the things that make YOU happy because if you’re not comfortable in a relationship, it won’t be satisfied for very long.
Sometimes, we agree when we shouldn’t just, so our partner will stop asking us (or stop arguing), but this only worsens the problem by putting pressure on both people and creating distance in your relationship.
If you feel guilty or obligated to do something, take the time to tell your partner why you’re not comfortable with it before making a final decision.
Address issues right away instead of letting them hang over your head because this will only create more distance between the two of you! Understand that saying no isn’t always selfish or wrong, especially if you have good reasons for staying true to yourself.
Talking about things is much better than just brushing off your partner’s requests without saying anything at all! Letting problems go unresolved makes it worse when they come up again later on down the road.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who lets you off easy, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this is how it should be.
Being honest about the things that bother us will create an environment where both partners can feel comfortable enough to put their wants and need first while maintaining a healthy balance.
Don’t give up your happiness or goals just because your spouse doesn’t want them for you! There will be times when you’ll have to make compromises, but there are also times when it’s okay to keep pursuing what excites you without feeling guilty about it.
Habit 10: “Playing” victim/martyr.
Playing the victim card can drag others down, making them feel worse instead of better after being there for someone who constantly puts themselves down.
Talking about your problems over and over again is only helpful if you’re trying to solve them or get past them. If you just want attention or sympathy, it’s still fair game for you to talk about it, but remember that not everyone wants to listen!
It can be beneficial to share your feelings with others but try to keep it short and sweet instead of dragging the conversation out. People who usually play the victim card tend to go on and on without ever getting any closer to a solution, leaving both themselves and their listeners feeling bad.
People don’t like listening for hours on end, so if someone feels like they’ve heard enough, they’ll probably start looking for ways to escape the situation (or person). This can lead to resentment, which is never good for any relationship.
People who play victim/martyr think they’re entitled to sympathy and pity when they don’t deserve either one because nothing was wrong with what happened (they just talked themselves into feeling victimized). They may come up with a million excuses for why they didn’t do what was necessary to accomplish their goals and be okay with where they’re at right now.
The only thing these people will ever learn from is having some extremely difficult or painful experience so that they can finally change and improve! Why would anyone who’s doing just fine want to feel bad about themselves?
You are not allowed to feel sorry for yourself.
If you’re faced with a problem, deal with it instead of complaining about it (and expecting someone else to fix it) because this will only make your problems bigger and more difficult to solve! The people around you don’t want to hear that you can’t do something or that you “can’t” do anything – they just want you to try your best (whatever that may be) even if the outcome isn’t what was expected.
It’s easy for some people to turn their life struggles into pity parties which is why it’s essential to face your problems head-on instead of letting them spiral out of control.
Suffering is only noble if you have to endure hardships and pain. Some of us just like to complain about how hard everything is for us instead of doing the work it takes to improve our lives or overcome our struggles.
We all experience difficulties in life, but that doesn’t mean we need to feel sorry for ourselves every time bad things happen! Instead of complaining, we can learn from our mistakes and move on, knowing better than to make the same mistake again.
We all deserve happiness, and we all have hardships but understand that it’s your job to handle them the best way you know how, not someone else’s responsibility. Make sure you take responsibility for yourself before expecting others to make your life better by caring for everything for you!
If you want to keep your marriage or relationship healthy, it isn’t enough just to avoid these 10 habits. You also need to take steps to foster a stronger connection with your partner and help the two of you grow together as individuals for your bond to be strong enough to withstand these harmful influences.
We all want to be happy in our relationships. This blog post has offered 10 habits that can damage your marriage or relationship and their corresponding solutions; hopefully, at least one will resonate with you.
If none of these ideas work for you, please comment below with what does help keep the love alive in your life – we’re always looking for new tips!
Joanna Perez is a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Practitioner, a passionate blogger, writer, traveler, wife, and mother of one boy. Joanna loves to share her thoughts on parenting, health, wellness, and lifestyle.
She is a Certified Women Empowerment Life Coach and has done courses on Life Mastery, Happiness, Health, and Success. She also has studied Neuroscience for Parents and took the Skilled Helper Training Course.
She believes in helping people become the best version of themselves and strives to provide quality informative and inspiring content. She loves animals, especially her two cats, and can often be found taking photos of them as they pose for the camera.